YHVH Rapha

He said, “If you listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you.” ex 15.26

Archive for Bad Mama

Use your words

It’s a simple little phrase we tell our two year olds with their emerging language skills. Recently I’ve started to wonder if this is the key to helping me, too.

Use your words.

While I’m not two years old (not even close), still i find myself in many frustrating situations. I’m not faced with having to tell a playmate or sibling “Please don’t take my toy away,” or “I want to read that book.” But I keep trying to remind myself that it’s way more appropriate to tell the kids, “Please help your sister pour the milk,” or “I need you to stay in your bed tonight,” than to be yelling when they don’t do what I want them to do.

With a houseful of kids, there are literally thousands of interactions daily between one kid and another, or one kid and a parent, that frustrate, irritate, and distress me. Simple frustrations pile up and become huge and yelling turns into screaming. (Though sometimes I start out extremely frustrated.)

Perhaps talking to my kids–using my words–would help alleviate some of my intense frustration, overwhelmingment (is that even a word? Guess it is now!), and anger with all this normal family friction.

Sigh.

This is rather embarrassing to admit. I’m an adult, I should know this stuff!

But I don’t. It sounds like a lame excuse, but I did not grow up in a house where this was discussed or practiced or taught. Heck, there wasn’t a lot of positive anything happening in my house growing up. I never had the opportunity to learn all these wonderful things that help kids grow up emotionally healthy and well-adjusted. (Just look at my siblings and me for proof of this.) I’ve begun to understand, how can I give my kids this thing that they need when I never learned it? Didn’t get it myself?

I want a mommy. Mine didn’t work out very well.

I guess I’ll settle for a counselor.

Which gets us to the positive side of things, I’m finally seeing my counselor again fairly regularly. (“Regularly” meaning once or twice a month.) My oldest and youngest are also in therapy. . . talk for the oldest, play for the youngest. I think it’s helping us all. (Though it does add to the busy-ness of life and time stress . . .) I’m amazed at the things I’m learning about parenting my children, positive ways to interact, helpful ways to talk with them when they are angry or distressed. I’m excited that now I can finally do something positive to deal with life and stress.

Wish I’d learned this, oh, say 13 years ago.

Wish I’d had this growing up.

It really, really hurts to think of all the heartache I could have saved my kids for all these years if I’d known and practiced these things.

I know I shouldn’t spend time grieving over what isn’t, wasn’t. I know I should just start here and now with what we have and be grateful that i can learn new, helpful parenting habits before my kids are grown and it’s too late.

Advertisements

Three years later. . .

I know it’s pretty lame to start a post with “where have i been for the past 3 years” . . . but still . . .

Life has happened. I have had a couple more babies. Lots of stress with them. I almost wonder now if the sheer number of kids ruined mom’s mind. 😉

Life is so busy and there is so little time for me, my interests. I know mothering is about sacrifice but wonder if i missed the memo about balance.

I hate the mother I’ve become. Yelling at the children replaced calm instructions. I keep telling myself that they are young, they don’t understand, they haven’t done this before. No matter. I don’t have time to be patient.

Seriously wonder if i’m ruining my children.

Terribly afraid that i’m turning into my mother.