YHVH Rapha

He said, “If you listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you.” ex 15.26

Pain from my father and mother

I’ve heard before that “it isn’t until one has children that one truly understands the sacrifices made by one’s parents” and yeah, I rolled my eyes.  You don’t know what they did or what they were really like, I’d think.

I was raised to look at the negative side of things, to look at what was lost, to focus on the ugliness of life.  It’s been hard for me to think of anything positive from my childhood.

As an adult, I guess I have been afraid to let go of the yuck.  I don’t mean not forgiving, I have forgiven my parents many times.  I mean letting go of the ugliness and negative side of things and losses.

I think I should be looking for the benefits and gains and positive things that happened when I was a child.

But I don’t want to.  Because to do that would be like saying the ugliness had no effect on me, that life was ok and it wasn’t really that bad anyway.

Maybe that’s not really what “letting go” is after all?

I’m coming to realize that there was more to my history than the negative, and if I am going to move on from this I need to see my past more clearly.

Because holding onto the yuck is holding me back, keeping me from seeing benefits.

And part of that is appreciating the blessings I’ve had, instead of always complaining about the troubles and pains.

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