YHVH Rapha

He said, “If you listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you.” ex 15.26

From broken to healed

Being a parent is a huge responsibility. You have this little child in your hands, their very heart and soul. It’s scary. If you make a misteak are you going to mess up this innocent child for the rest of his life?

And yet no parent is perfect. It’s just not possible to be. I guess that means that all children are messed up, some worse than others.

I hate to hear the news sometimes. A child molested. A child left in the trunk of a car. A child beaten. A child drowned. A child starved. Life is cruel and children get hurt. No matter what the parents do, it’s the kids who suffer for it.

So I think of my pain and past and there’s just no comparison. So what if my mom was nasty and mean. I should be able to shrug it off and go on. Who cares that she demanded perfection and wasn’t content with my best work at school or at home. At least I walked away from it. I survived, I lived through it, get on with life.

Then why do I treat my husband the way that she treated my father? And why do I find her words coming out of my mouth when I am angry with my children. And then I cringe for them, I remember how I hated her for how she treated me–and yet this is what I do to my very own, very precious children.

Sometimes I’ve wondered if I could have this surgically removed. I don’t know how to get rid of it. This whatever-you-want-to-call-it that I can’t get past in relating to my family.

Psalm 147.3: He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

Count me in that number, those broken in heart.  I need to be healed from something, I don’t even know what.

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